the bittersweetness of life

Yet again, it has been quite a while since my last post. I am proud to say, though, that my excuse is legit - I have a life here in Marfa. Not just a "read books on the porch, workout, watch movies" life. This one is the kind where I frequent the Jett's scene (hotel's restaurant), spend evenings with my friend Rose, get DQ blizzards with Lindy, etc. There's just so much going on that I have barely read my extremely long summer book, Gone With the Wind, and am definitely lacking in the sleep area! No time for those things means no time as well for blogging. Sorry :/

I spent this last weekend in Lubbock. Man, I miss that place! I miss the workout machines in the REC, cherry coke and salad bar from Market Street, my perch at J&B coffee shop, seeing my family I have created in Raiderland, all the Tech pride, and I even might miss the wind - but that's just because it's part of Lubbock and I love that town. My new roommate, Tessa, and I officially have the keys to our new house. I have officially moved in all of my stuff and will be there for good in three weeks - gotta finish up here in Marfa and have the long-awaited campmeeting first! My room is about 70% set up, many thanks to Zac and Micah for providing the truck and muscles necessary. We spent Saturday moving furniture and boxes, sanding and priming furniture, unpacking, painting the furniture, and getting things situated. One nice sunburn and two sore arms later, my room is ready to be lived in! The paint color is great...there are lots of windows...big closets...built in desk...HARD WOOD FLOORS. I love it.

The problem with having this great house waiting for me and the rest of my belongings to come home is that I have mixed feelings about summer and campmeeting. Please know: I never have mixed feelings about Campmeeting. It has never happened before that I was not eagerly counting down the days until I drove the 9 hours out West with a week's worth of outfits planned out, high expectations for this year's campmeeting, a crush on one of the boys of my life waiting to be further established. This year I am already in West Texas, I have all my clothes with me anyways, I don't "dress up" anymore than I have to for work, and I have no crush, no boy-expectation looming in front of me. It's not a feeling of not wanting Campmeeting to come - it's just more of an "it happens when it happens" feeling. My reason is this: when CM hits, my time here in Marfa ends. When CM ends, I leave the mountainous West Texas and the life I have so lovingly established for the flat West Texas that I also love and adore. And yet, As much as I love the life I have here in Marfa, I love and miss my Lubbock life. Like I said, there's many facets of life in the LBK that I cannot wait for. There's many aspects of my summer experience that I will miss dearly as well. That is why life as of now is bittersweet.

I am totally happy with how things turned out this summer. No cowboy to whisk me away but that's for the better - no need to end a good summer with a hurting heart. I gained so much more experience and knowledge from my 41-room hotel internship than I could have ever received in a larger hotel. I know people in town now - when I return to visit, my seat at Jett's will be waiting with open arms. I lived here long enough to unpack, settle down, and enjoy the peace and quiet before having to reload the car and watch the mountains disappear in the rearview mirror. It's been a good time that, bittersweetly, will come to an end. I will leave here only to immediately return to the other town I love so dearly, the people I haven't seen in over three months, the restaurants I enjoy frequenting, and the obnoxious Suddenlink commercials which invade all tv stations.

west texas rains.

Well, here I am on the day after our Nation's birthday. It has, yet again, been a while since I shared of my life with my viewers here on the blog. Right now is a good moment: I am sitting on my porch with a mug of steaming joe. Mom is next to me. We are watching the rains fall down, the lightning illuminate the morning sky, and hearing the fresh sound of water falling on cement, gravel, the roof. In the soundtrack of my life, these moments wouldn't need a song playing. The sounds of the rain and thunder and people stirring in the house are much more descriptive and satisfactory than a song - even a really good song. Yesterday our country had their 223 birthday - Happy Birthday America! How great is it to know that even after all the corruption and problems the USA has had, we still come together to celebrate, and celebrate IN STYLE, the marking of our new nation.

So, since the last post, a lot has happened. Hannah, John, and I went to Balmorhea last weekend and then continued on out to Pecos for the West of the Pecos Rodeo - the original by the way. We stayed the night in Pecos and from there Hannah left our summer out west to return home and get stuff done. My plan was to drive back to Marfa with John and then spend the day working out and being positively lazy. Wrong. We made a side-trip to...the Alpine ER! Yes, that's right - and what a pair we make. Hannah headed home on Sunday and John and I made a 25 mile detour to take him to the nearest ER because his ear had been bothering him. That's an understatement - his ear, yes, bothered him but he also spent the night with it bleeding excessively and with intense pain. So, we figured that, no, we weren't just being overdramatic like we tend to be and, yes, this would be a good moment to go on a hospital adventure together. Well, as John was enduring a fuzzy ear that leaked ear goo, I was freaking about a new "mole" on the side of my neck. It had just sprung up within the last 48 hours, grown, started to bleed and hurt - basically it was looking grim for me. In the ridiculous and often times overdramatic mind of Abby Cobb, I just knew that this mole would soon spread cancer to my brain and I would be dead by August. I wish I was joking about this rational I created but, yes, I saw myself living only a few more months. It wasn't until after we were told by the ER doctor that John had a perforated eardrum (note to self: do NOT go rock diving in a 25 ft. pool...) and would be fine with some antiobiotics that I really allowed myself to freak out. I had a good 5 minutes of freaking out over my new mole when John piped in "you didnt happen to burn yourself with a curling iron"...Wow. Talk about a moment with many emotions: relief, embarrassement, confusion, laughter, awareness. I DID burn myself on Friday morning! So much had happened since then that it totally slipped my mind I suppose. The relief of the situation brought true tears to my eyes - I won't be dying from a mysterious mole anytime soon! Another note to self: do not take Grey's Anatomy episodes too close to heart - they only feed medical freakouts like this most recent one.

What a pair John and I make! Him with a fuzzy and burst eardrum, me freaking out over nothing. We both looked like a million bucks too, I'm sure - no makeup, tired from sleepless nights, fear all over our faces. Thank God our first ER experiences were so mild.

Hannah's departure left me with a dilemma: what to do after work without my partner in crime?? You would think that being all alone at the house would lead to many movies watched, some serious progress on my book, finally finishing "Gone With the Wind"...NAH. I have now found my social scene in Marfa and nothing will get accomplished from here on out. I have things to do, people to see. For a good week, I did not get to go to bed before midnight - an actual shock to my system. I have now finally caught up on my sleep but, let me tell you, when 2:00pm rolls around at work, I start feeling my "late night" from the night before...it's rough. I spent most of my evenings sitting with coworkers at the bar/restaurant in the hotel, Jett's. I love to just sit there and chat with Vicki and Rose, the bartender Jose, any new faces joining us at the bar. I have a tonic with lime, or sometimes Jose will experiment with a new virgin cocktail for me. After the bar "closes", we will stay with Jose while he wraps things up. There was game night on Tuesday, live music at the courtyard on Monday, movie night with Mitch on Wednesday night - SO MUCH TO DO. I couldn't be any happier than I am now. Vicki and I have begun to lament the day I leave for Lubbock - what a sad moment that will be. Jett's is the local scene I have always loved about J&B in Lubbock - only at Jett's I WORK there and know everyone. Marfa is where my heart will forever remain. I have found a kindred spirit in my boss, of all people, and we text on a regular basis. Rose and I have many chats over many topics - all our chats are delightful and eye-opening. I have learned much about myself and other people - how we all relate to each other.

There is a quick wrap up on my last few days here. All is well, school and Camp Meeting are right around the corner and, yet, I would be happy with a few more weeks before then. I just am not ready to leave so I will utilize my last month as best as possible.

A Tribute to the English Language

Last week, I worked in the gift shop some, helping with inventory and restocking. We have a variety of books available throughout the store and a particular room for art books, books on writing, etc. While doing my inventory checks, I stumbled upon this book, "For the Love of Letters" by Samara O'Shea. My new favorite book! It discusses the need to continue the art of letter writing, the personal nature a hand written note takes, the loss of the English language when we resort to only communicating via technology. She goes through the various types of letters - love, erotica, goodbyes, break ups, thank yous, apology letters - and, by using letters from history, shares tips with the reader on how to write good letters. As a huge fan of writing to people, this book immediately caught my eye. I read through it on breaks until I got paid and now have my very own copy!

I just want to share my favorite passage with you. This passage is in the introduction and, as soon as I read it, I knew this book was for me. Just soak it up, experience the sensuality of her words, and consider the truth of what she says...

My concern is, though, that what we gain in speed we lose in language - and, just a reminder, we are the heirs of a resplendent language. English is curvaceous, complex, and beautiful. Fluent and fierce. She is the lover you will always adore but will never fully know because there's too much to know. She is a true seductress - devious and overt, offering endless possibilities. With her I could tell you that you look gorgeous or that you look exquisite or that my body lost its breath when I happened upon you. When we encounter her placed in uncommon and alluring order we find inspiration and purpose. We find connection with ideas, with emotions, with people we know, with people we will never know, and with time periods that we must learn from and understand... Let's set time aside and allow our lovely language to bask in a place that has already proven its staying power: on paper. We must spread her our so that she can dazzle and breathe. Like all living things, if she does not breathe she will die.

- For the Love of Letters, Samara O'Shea pp. x-xi

Thanks to God for the peace He brings.

Wow, I have yet again gone a long while with no update. I wish I could excuse it with "oh I am soo busy" but really, my life seems to have taken on a very regular pace. I normally work from about 9-4ish then come home for a facebook check, workout with Hannah, make supper, watch our nightly movie and head to bed around 10ish. I kid you not, if our nightly movie is not finished bye 10:00 we, mostly Hannah though, seem to kind of freak out. Who knows why - I guess we are all just creatures of habit. So, it's not that I am particularly BUSY but once I find a routine, I rarely break it.

However, today my boss, Vicki, broke my routine for me. She's having me come in at 5 to "help" in the restaurant. Basically, I will more likely be in the way but will be able to put on my internship report (for the semester credit at school...) that I helped in the restaurant and now have experience there. I will probably bus a few tables, maybe take an order or two...who really knows! Haha, either way, I like the bartender working tonight so it will be another adventure in the life of Abby.

This past weekend was a very delightful one. Each weekend thus far has been marked by a specific event: 1st weekend was the party at Mitch's with him, Clay, and their crowd; 2nd weekend Sam and Sarah came out; this weekend was my favorite. On Saturday, I drove the 2.5 hours to El Paso to 1) CASH MY PAYCHECK!!! 2) go spend some of that hard earned money at a target and 3) MEET UP WITH RACHEL!!! For those of you unaware, Rachel is my best friend. We have known each other through Campmeeting for many years but did not realize the potential of besties until we were Freshman roommates at Texas Tech. Many factors from that year helped us establish a very unique roommate relationship. I hurt for those who have horror stories of their freshman roommates. The worst thing mine ever did was encourage me to workout more than I wanted to or spill hot candle wax on my bedspread. And, those few complaints I had at the time are mere laughing matters now. Anyways, life has not let us live together again but I fully intend on having her as my roommate once again as a senior in college - we started off with a bang, might as well end it that way!

Needless to say, getting to meet up with Rachel after over a month of her absence in my life was a very special thing. Well worth the drive, we did some shopping, LOTS of talking (there are some things that just CANT be said in a phone conversation), plenty of eating, and some laughing tagged along as well. I wish I could portray in this post just how much she means to me but, well, words fail sometimes. So, instead, just know that getting to hang out with her was perfectly wonderful but only increased the desire to return to my life in Lubbock so we can be together all the time haha!

One thing that has been on my mind lately is just how great our God and our Faith is. I work with a proclaimed agnostic and another who refuses the gospel. The agnostic, let's call him Joe, believes in nothing after death. That this life is all we have. The other, "Ellen", believes in something after death but it's not Heaven. They were both raised among Catholics and Protestants so the word of God is no unknown book to them. They both are aware of the religion's beliefs and find it ridiculous, for the most part."Joe" seems to be unhappy in general. He recently told me that there's nothing to live for but morals and ethics because this life is all we have. Wow. These conversations seem to come up quite often. Both are very aware of what I believe and, though they try to not be offensive, do not refrain from discussing the ridiculousness of religion or Christian beliefs. This is fine with me - everyone has a right to believe what they choose to believe. Yet, it hurts my heart to see all this taking place. I see "Joe" and his unhappiness, his lack of hope or reason to live. I see how he deals with situations and just hurt for him. Having something and Someone to live for makes such the difference in life. I might not live my faith as completely as I should - I definitely mess up enough. But, it's the knowledge and peace, that only God can provide, that having faith in Jesus brings, that makes the difference. I know that, no matter how bad or depressing things get in the world, no matter how much destruction occurs, there is something so much better to come. I have more than my few years here on earth, whether I live to be 21 or 101. I believe that even just the knowing of an eternity spent with a loving God, and not just a decaying body in the ground, makes a person's demeanor and view of things change. Yes, it is true that much of Heaven is unknown. Yet, we know so much more about that destiny than what happens if there's just "something" after death. And, it's much more comforting to picture a golden paved pathway leading me to my Jesus than to see my decaying body slowly disintegrate under ground.

I have also seen how lonely a life without Salvation must be. When you have no expectation of a better life after the one on earth, it makes sense to fill life with anything and everything that brings a small amount of happiness. If this life is all we have to experience, if there is nothing better to come, how lonely it must be to experience your short lifetime alone. No wonder so many people shack up and stay in unhealthy, unsatisfying relationships or jobs. No wonder so much time is spent experiencing life's pleasures and staying in relationships that, in reality, are not healthy at all. I would do anything to spend the few years of my life with someone and not alone. But, fortunately for me, I know that whether alone or with those I love or even those I am no fan of, I will be okay. As long as my life is lived to the fullest and I experience God's glory, his gifts to us, and use my talents for His Glory, things will be okay in the end. I love that not only is He in control of my life but He is a friend, a comfort when there's no one else around. I will get to be with him for eternity, not just the time I get here on earth.

Please keep in your prayers those who do not know the peace and hope that comes from salvation, from a God who interacts with his people. A God who CARES. My favorite verse, Isaiah 40:28-31, claims that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." How exhausting and lonely it must be to not have Hope, to not have the peace of something better to come even when things here get worse and worse.

Well, I must go work on my book! I really am writing one...keep your eyes out for it in the next few years haha!

take me out to the ball game...

Did you know that they have a minor league baseball team out here? Well, SURE DO! Alpine (about 25 miles from Marfa and a notch up the scale of town sizes) is home to the Big Bend Cowboys - a team that is back after a couple decades' hiatus. There is a BEAUTIFUL stadium in Alpine that overlooks the West Texas mountains and makes for a lovely sight during the evening games. Hannah and I went to town on Friday to catch a few innings and were there right when sunset occurred. We raced to the car so that we could drive part of the way home into the sunset - purples, pinks, oranges. There's nothing like an evening out west. 

Along with "watching baseball" and experiencing God's glorious sunset, we managed to focus mainly on the actual baseball players. These guys are from all over - some from as far north as New York, as far south as Latin America, and everywhere between. After seeing only the men who come in and out of the hotel and Paul, the guy I work with, it was nice to set my eyes on a young, fresh crowd...especially the Latinos :) For only five bucks, we had the best seats in town: backless benches separated only by a chain link fence from the team's dug out. In other words, prime viewing of the Cowboys. My man is number 25 and Hannah's is 5. How sad is it that I could immediately tell which one she would take a liking to? Before she even sat down with me (a phone call hindered her entrance into baseball glory), I could tell who she would prefer and, of course, who I preferred. Though we didn't stay the entire game (our early bedtime we are now accustomed to called our names), we plan on seeing those boys again. There's a street dance festival in Alpine this Friday so perhaps we will see them there? Hopefully they will wear their jerseys so we are able to distinguish them!

Saturday was a delightfully productive day. After both of us got our own workouts in for the day, we decided to do some chores around the house. We had friends (Sam and Sarah) coming in for the night so that inspired us to...well, be very married like I guess. Hannah took the man's role and rearranged patio furniture, mowed the lawn, and cut the watermelon for supper. I swept out the house, baked a cake, and made some yummy Texas Caviar for our staple - Fritos. It was such a successful morning that we both needed a laying out break - we set up camp next to our purple kiddie pool for refreshing ourselves and lounged about on the old cots we used to sleep on. Our Sita would be so proud to know that we reused those cots after so many years! After so much activity and the sun draining us of what was left, we had just enough energy to shower and take much needed naps. I LOVE afternoon naps. It was pretty warm out too so I quite literally passed out. When I woke up, it took a good 10 minutes to clear my head and make sense of reality. I think I nap better then when I sleep at night!

Enough with the nap...Sam and Sarah (both of the Means family but 2nd cousins...Hannah and Sarah are bff and Sam is, well, he's Sam!) came over to cook supper and just hang out. I went down to the hotel to return "Giant" (everyone must see it. The cast - Rock Hudson, James Dean, Elizabeth Taylor - all stayed at the Hotel while they filmed) and ran into a few friends. Between chatting with them on the patio and chatting with my friends at the front desk, my little walk to drop the movie off turned into quite an event! I love going places in town and knowing people. That's something I have always waited for in this town and it's finally working out for me! Back at the house, Sam had made some mouth-watering brisket, yummy homemade biscuits, and later we had my chocolate cake. If the food is that great, you KNOW the night was a good one :) And that it was. I love getting to sit around and chat with old friends. You know it's good when you don't have to do too much catching up - things just fall right back into place. That's how it is with my west Texas folks...and I love it.

On Sunday morning, Hannah and I decided it was time to try out a church in town. We used to always go to the Baptist church when the whole "Camp Marfa" gang was in town. We walked the 2 blocks, more than doubled the congregation, and always, without a doubt, had to perform. Yes, that's right - perform. Normally this consisted of Hannah and I playing a piano duet, Naomi playing a piano song, and Zac/Kate doing a sweet little VBS song for all to see. They were the babies, and still are, of the crowd and everyone loved seeing them - Zac with his white blond curls and Kate doting on him. They were a precious pair. I distinctly remember the year they sang "The Gospel Fuzzies" - a musical version of the gospel bracelets only you have a glove with the colored fuzzies on each finger. The Baptists of Marfa sure seemed to enjoy that one! Well, Hannah and I opted to bypass the "oh, you're Mary Helm's family?!" moments and try a new church. I ran past a quaint rock church the other day and noticed that their service was not until 10am - perfect time for church. So, that's where we went and believe me, I will be back every Sunday I am out here! The two of us were the youngest by about 40 years and seemed to be quite the novelty. Everyone greeted us, they had us introduce ourselves during the sermon, and a few even said to call them if we needed anything. If only I could remember their names I would TOTALLY take them up on that offer. It was the Presbyterian church (a shame to my Baptist and Methodist grandmothers, I'm sure) so new to me. But I just loved the small congregation, the familial atmosphere, and the knowledge that all was well within those walls. It was a surprising delight, not just a dreary church service to check off of my list of things to do. I will be going back on Sunday with my heart ready and my voice ready to bellow out the beloved hymns of years past.

Here begins my third week in the town I love so much. It's amazing to think that I have actually gotten to spend this much consecutive time out here! Except for a desire to shop at Target and see a few of my peeps/family, I have absolutely no need or want to leave. I am enjoying each and every morning at work, walk to the Hotel, lazy evening, and sunset from the porch. I can only hope that those who read this are enjoying their summer as much as I am. Even if you are stuck in the city or in a cubicle job, just remember that days are limited and we must embrace every moment with those we love. Enjoy your week of summer bliss. I will share a hot dog at the next baseball game in memory of all those following my life. Love and hugs and kisses!

P.S. this was what I found on my kitchen floor one night!

here begins another week :)

Though nothing terribly exciting happened, this was a delightful weekend. My aunt Joni, Kate, and Hannah were here until Saturday when AJoni and Kate headed home to the big city and hannah stayed for a few weeks out here. I love my family. Being with them is lovely even when we bug each other. I didnt appreciate my family (extended and immediate) until a few years ago and missed out on a lot of fun I'm sure. Unfortunately, I was one of those teenage girls whose friends are the center of her world and life revolves around ME. The good thing now is that having had that attitude makes me better appreciate those friends who are still around despite college and moving away but also my family. So, hear it loud and clear: I LOVE MY FAMILY :)

Let's see - this weekend included much laziness on my part (and Hannah's too!). Friday, I worked at the hotel, a job I am loving more and more each day. It really is a dream internship. I got to help put wedding favors in the guests' rooms for this weekend's wedding. I trimmed the geraniums, was treated to a yummy pizza lunch, had chat time with my lovely coworkers, Paul and Jeanne. Basically, I am very happy. For those of you who worried that I would be (silly yall!), go ahead and know that I am good to go. Friday evening was followed with me helping Lisa at the Austin Street Café. She did the rehearsal dinner for the wedding party there and I was the chosen helper. Now, just in case my hotel job isn't good enough, God let me stumble in the path of Lisa and Jack. We chat and laugh, taste the food that is being served, have non-alcoholic beers, eat any leftovers for supper, and I get paid to have all this fun! Lisa is the best teacher too. She took me out into her very expansive garden to teach me a bit about different herbs like lemon verbana, various mints, and basil. I am now bound and determined to start up an herb garden - cross your fingers there. I feel I just need a bit of experience, some failed plants, and then some successes to truly have a green thumb. We shall see...

Well, as if Friday night wasn't enough fun helping out Lisa and Jack, I got home and AJoni and I decided that I looked too cute to NOT go out to my friend's ranch for their party weekend. I gathered up the courage to head on out (I do NOT like to do things like that without my wingman...) and ended up having a very good time. I got to see my old friend, Clay, and visit with some new people. I was the "score keeper" of the ping pong games, although I doubt I did any good seeing how I don't know how to play or what counts as a score. All in all, Friday was a good day/night. And whoever thought I'd be BORED out here?!

The rest of the weekend was delightful but lazy as they get. Hannah and I allowed ourselves to get sucked into the thrills of Dawson's Creek - the 6th season. It is my FAVORITE series by far - I love the dramatic nature and am in love with Pacey Whitter. Anyways, we did manage to go on a walk or two, make dinner both nights, and get a few chores done in between episodes. A few productive things we did? We made ourselves lovely dinner lovely suppers both nights: Saturday was yummy pasta and a summery salad topped with a cocktail of capri-sun - very big girl drink and Sunday was Pasta Primavera with grilled chicken. Here's a picture of our first supper together and then one of Hannah's expertise in mowing the lawn:

Along with laundry, visiting with Clay in town, making supper and cookies, and (of course) finished the season of Dawson's Creek, we have CLEARLY been two very busy girls. It's almost like we need a weekend to rest from all the excitement...Nah, we need the week to start so we can get back to work. I like having a job to get up for in the morning, to pick an outfit for, and to get paid for. Makes a girl feel kinda grown up!

This week on the agenda: I will be starting to see the housekeeping side of a hotel. Today I work the evening shift so I can see what evening housekeeping is like as well as the front desk's evening duties - mostly checking people in and preparing the books for the next morning. I will be cleaning some toilets I'm sure as no good manager can tell their employees to do something that they have never had to do. I might be co-helping with a mini event at the hotel as well. Nothing fancy just another thing to add to my experience :) There is a band coming to town on Saturday and some home baseball games this week in Alpine - between that, working, and porch time I am sure to be a busy girl! Keep posted for more on my life.