Today I went running after work - I normally go running in the mornings, on a treadmill, and in Lubbock where the land is flat even if I did run outside. Needless to say, the run didn't go so well. I am a bit nervous that if I THOUGHT I was in shape, what out of shape looks like! Granted I haven't worked out in a few days, had a big night out (mmm cold beer) before leaving Lubbock, and ate only a few hours before running today. But still, I hurt more than I normally do. Bummer. But, in the lack of running that I did and the replacement of speed walking, I had plenty of time to think through things. Here is a blueprint of some thoughts from today's workout experience:
- There are a two things in life that I can honestly say I HATE:
1) BIRDS. Don't like them, think they're gross and disease carrying, am annoyed by a bird chirp waking me up, they can fly and I cannot. Yes, I have seen the famous movie, The Birds, but do not attribute that to my extreme dislike and even more extreme fear of the avis race. I have had far too many experiences with birds that are weird, uncanny, and a bit neurotic. I envision them flying AT me and pecking at me. It has happened before - this is not just a freakish issue I have. Today's run brought me passing under a tree as about 15 HUGE and FAT crows decided to leave the limbs and embrace the sky. If only they had waited until I was not UNDER the tree.
2) BARKING DOGS. Especially the little yappy ones. While large dogs are capable of knocking me over and destroying me, little yappy ones are the kind that most often decide to chase running girls with their annoying "yip yip yipping" and could use their extremely sharp teeth to do some serious work on my famous calves. This also happened...TWICE today. Perhaps running from stupid dogs at an extraordinary pace could be the reason I was so much more tired than normal?
- I still really really want to participate in a half-marathon. John, my best friend who is now with Jesus, was an avid runner. He spent his high school and college years planning his days and diet around running - no Dr. Pepper during season! As I got more interested in running (and joined the cross country team in HS for the sole purpose of fulfilling that dreaded sport credit...), we were able to share running stories with each other. Granted, John's mileage more than doubled mine but running is running no matter how far you can, or let yourself, go. Anyways, I would love to run a half-marathon and raise money for the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society. Maybe more research would have lead to a speedier diagnosis. Who knows. Either way, this is a goal for my life. I have put it off due to a lack of energy that both I and Gabby, my therapist who I love and completely attribute my sanity to, have decided I just don't have as I continue to experience this thing called GRIEF. But, one day, I will be at the point where I can, and will, run the entire 13 miles of a half-marathon. Until then, I will keep training to at least cover the distance - even if it, like today, includes some speed walking :)
I have prematurely restarted many online training coaches - once they tell me to go 6 or 7 miles I say PEACE - solely because it requires more distance than I am ready, or capable, of going right now. New plan: just finish the required mileage. It is a 12 week program - in 12 weeks I will be headed back to the hubcity after a refreshing summer mixed with some big "firsts" without my main man to join in on the fun. It will be good to focus on this. Readers, whoever you are if you are even there, encourage me, please. I want to finish my summer able to go 13 miles - mostly running but a bit o' walking is fine by me. This is more realistic than saying I will run them all and then just quitting out of pure defeat.
- With my newly instated running plan, I must incorporate a new eating plan. I am not in Lubbock anymore with hundreds of options for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack. No more Fuzzy's or J&M or Spoonful to entice me EVERY DAY of my life. There are plenty of delicious options here in Marfa but eating out is less of a social experience than it is in Lubtown. I can say no and eat at home without feeling like I am missing out on friend time. New eating plan: mostly just fruits, veggies, and whole grains. But I like yogurt and cheese so add that to the mix. New drinking plan: no more than 2 beers in a night. I love me some cold beer (coors light or dos equis, preferrably, but I won't be picky...) but need to know the limit. It's a defeating moment when you realize that you LITERALLY just drank your daily allowance of calories - and that is normally followed after having already eaten your daily allowance of calories...bummer dude. It makes a potentially toned ab-area a bit softer and less...well, toned. What a bummer to work out - to push through the pain and sweat like a pig (do pigs really sweat??) - only to destroy all that you just did and more by drinking! Vodka-soda with lime, PLEASE! Or maybe some gin if I'm feelin' a little bit frisky...
Now that you know my train of thought during my run, I will leave you to enjoy the first of many summer nights ahead of us. Looks like mine will entail a quick trip to the hotel to scope out the scene followed by some porch time with me, Gus and Call (for those who don't know, these extremely attractive men are the main characters of Lonesome Dove - my current and HIGHLY recommended read). I love my life...my Marfalous life (minus the freakin' buzzards flying way too closely to my house...).
Marfalous life means...you wave to a fellow driver as yall pass on the road.
5.13.2010
5.12.2010
HERE WE GO!
There is a Spanish saying that goes a little something like this: dinero, amor, salud y el tiempo para gozarles. In English, this translates to: money, love, health and the time to enjoy them. For Latinos, this motto is the foudation of how they live and experience life. Rather than living in the future, constantly trying to make more money or more success for future happiness, the latino culture focuses on the present moment - embracing life as it is right now to gain the most possible. Money is important only because it is used to purchase food, clothing, necessities in life. Love of friends, family, and an intimate relationship are vital to a person's well-being. What is more special than loving life and having someone to share it with? What is more foundational than the relationships with those who share your life and your experiences with you? Health of the mind as well as of the body leads to inner peace, lightheartedness, and an openness to embrace life. For the latino culture, all these things are important in life but it is most important to actually take the time to enjoy them. Without appreciating and embracing these areas of life right now and taking the time to love, be healthy, and use wealth to enhance life, they are wasted.
All this to say, I have found this theory to be true in Marfa. As I unpacked my mountains of STUFF and then walked to the hotel for courtyard drinks, I remembered the slowness of life here. People do not live as much by a schedule or in a frenzy to get from one place to the next. There are responsibilities here, yes, but the main responsibility seems to be relationships. Perhaps it's because in a small town, that's really all you have. Marfa allows for taking the time to enjoy the sunset and meet new friends just because they are sitting next to you. Marfa inspires art of all mediums. Marfa rejuvenates the soul by allowing me to appreciate each moment rather than hurry to the next best thing.
Here I sit on my porch with Patsy Cline crooning through the open windows, the neighbor's horse neighing in the nearby pasture, kids squealing at the playground, and the peaceful breeze rustling through the trees. Already I feel the drug of being where I belong, where I love most, pumping life back into me. After a semester of life changing moments, heavy course load, relationship changes, and overall heartbreak, it is nice to feel and see this opportunity of rejuvenation ahead of me. I am so eager to embrace each moment given to me out here. I know that another summer in Marfa, another summer home, will be just what I need to persevere through my final year of college before making this a permanent move.
All this to say, I have found this theory to be true in Marfa. As I unpacked my mountains of STUFF and then walked to the hotel for courtyard drinks, I remembered the slowness of life here. People do not live as much by a schedule or in a frenzy to get from one place to the next. There are responsibilities here, yes, but the main responsibility seems to be relationships. Perhaps it's because in a small town, that's really all you have. Marfa allows for taking the time to enjoy the sunset and meet new friends just because they are sitting next to you. Marfa inspires art of all mediums. Marfa rejuvenates the soul by allowing me to appreciate each moment rather than hurry to the next best thing.
Here I sit on my porch with Patsy Cline crooning through the open windows, the neighbor's horse neighing in the nearby pasture, kids squealing at the playground, and the peaceful breeze rustling through the trees. Already I feel the drug of being where I belong, where I love most, pumping life back into me. After a semester of life changing moments, heavy course load, relationship changes, and overall heartbreak, it is nice to feel and see this opportunity of rejuvenation ahead of me. I am so eager to embrace each moment given to me out here. I know that another summer in Marfa, another summer home, will be just what I need to persevere through my final year of college before making this a permanent move.
3.20.2010
gone home.
Spring break this year was not the most exciting nor the most exotic in my lifetime. In the 21 years that I have been "spring breaking", I have been to Europe, Orlando, New York, all over Texas, cruised the Caribbean, and even had a crazy week in Argentina. This year was a little different. Normally, if i have nothing "exciting" planned, I will gladly pack my lovely Lola (my car...) and head West - after all, I leave my heart there...you can only go so long without your heart.
But, this year I opted for an even more calm and relaxing itinerary than Marfa would allow (I actually have a social life there - not so much relaxing as refreshing anymore...) and headed south! I braced myself for possibly destructive levels of humidity and headed to Houston with my good friend, Tammy. We did a few nights at my grandmother's farm (we all call her Sita and him Papacito, just fyi) as well as a few nights at Tammy's house. We saw the southern coast (sadly, too much wind meant no beach time for us pasty gals), ate more than necessary of pound cake and beans and yummy cuisines NOT found in Lubbock, had quality family time, and saw the Houston Rodeo. Basically, it was a big time. Then, on Wednesday, I flew home to Dallas for a few days with my family before Tammy picked me up and chaperoned me back to the Hub City. I now sit, still in my towel wrap, in my unpacked room with nothing but slowly returning to reality on my agenda until Monday afternoon. Mmm...
Even though Dallas is where I grew up, home to me is Marfa, Lubbock, and whereever my family is - preferably that is Marfa :) I love my childhood home - best kitchen around - and would never change where I grew up. I only return, though, because it means I get to see and just BE with my family. I rarely venture out of the house unless it's a family outing...or for a quick Gap run to make sure they dont have any new necessities... I just love being with my family - normally, this means eating or napping or watching multiple movies. But the fact that they are there, with me, is what matters the most.
So, all this said, Dallas this trip was a scary thing for me. I knew I wanted to see my family and be with them for a few days but I also knew there would be a lot of "moments" for me. You see, I use "moments" to refer to those heartwrenching, tear-activating moments in my life that trigger the sadness and loneliness I normal can distract myself from feeling. This was the first time for me to be home since John died. He used to love my room - it was always where he stayed when he spent the night or house sat. I don't know how I feel about my room anymore. It was very isolated from the rest of the house. To me, it is a room of sadness and absence. It is where I spent my first night without my person - where I cried myself to sleep because that was the only way to face the loneliness that his death ensued. It's the little things that tug at my heart - like not having him to text "And we're OFF!" as Tammy and I headed back to school...or how Zac and I drive with our knees (a trick learned and perfected from John)...or eating at the SAME table at Mi Cocina, his favorite restaurant, when the last time I was there was with him...or passing gas stations on the highway that I remember telling him about...or driving down the very roads that I had to endure as I rode to say my final goodbye to someone who means so much to me. It's a lot of little moments, mostly firsts for me, that I had to endure these last few days. It wasn't until I was out of Ft Worth that it really hit me that I have so much missing of John left. I have so many more firsts without him left that it is scary. I can't let myself think about them - if I do, my relaxing few days left will turn into an emotional exhaustion period.
I guess the whole point in today's blurb is that, two months into "Johnlessness", I think I hurt more than I did two DAYS into it. It is more real to me now. Even going home is emotionally exhausting - almost to the point of avoiding it completely. And yet, these moments must be faced, head on. There's no getting around the fact that my best friend, my companion in everything, is no longer joining in with me. Just like I had to face being home in order to enjoy quality family time, I must face every other moment that comes my way in order to really enjoy the life I have.
I guess that's all I really have... Even when I am not in Marfa, I must live a MARFALOUS life! It is vital to one's well-being that they embrace the moments of each day just as I embraced my Marfa experience last summer. Just because I am not physically in Marfa, my heart is, and thus I still am living my Marfalous life :)
But, this year I opted for an even more calm and relaxing itinerary than Marfa would allow (I actually have a social life there - not so much relaxing as refreshing anymore...) and headed south! I braced myself for possibly destructive levels of humidity and headed to Houston with my good friend, Tammy. We did a few nights at my grandmother's farm (we all call her Sita and him Papacito, just fyi) as well as a few nights at Tammy's house. We saw the southern coast (sadly, too much wind meant no beach time for us pasty gals), ate more than necessary of pound cake and beans and yummy cuisines NOT found in Lubbock, had quality family time, and saw the Houston Rodeo. Basically, it was a big time. Then, on Wednesday, I flew home to Dallas for a few days with my family before Tammy picked me up and chaperoned me back to the Hub City. I now sit, still in my towel wrap, in my unpacked room with nothing but slowly returning to reality on my agenda until Monday afternoon. Mmm...
Even though Dallas is where I grew up, home to me is Marfa, Lubbock, and whereever my family is - preferably that is Marfa :) I love my childhood home - best kitchen around - and would never change where I grew up. I only return, though, because it means I get to see and just BE with my family. I rarely venture out of the house unless it's a family outing...or for a quick Gap run to make sure they dont have any new necessities... I just love being with my family - normally, this means eating or napping or watching multiple movies. But the fact that they are there, with me, is what matters the most.
So, all this said, Dallas this trip was a scary thing for me. I knew I wanted to see my family and be with them for a few days but I also knew there would be a lot of "moments" for me. You see, I use "moments" to refer to those heartwrenching, tear-activating moments in my life that trigger the sadness and loneliness I normal can distract myself from feeling. This was the first time for me to be home since John died. He used to love my room - it was always where he stayed when he spent the night or house sat. I don't know how I feel about my room anymore. It was very isolated from the rest of the house. To me, it is a room of sadness and absence. It is where I spent my first night without my person - where I cried myself to sleep because that was the only way to face the loneliness that his death ensued. It's the little things that tug at my heart - like not having him to text "And we're OFF!" as Tammy and I headed back to school...or how Zac and I drive with our knees (a trick learned and perfected from John)...or eating at the SAME table at Mi Cocina, his favorite restaurant, when the last time I was there was with him...or passing gas stations on the highway that I remember telling him about...or driving down the very roads that I had to endure as I rode to say my final goodbye to someone who means so much to me. It's a lot of little moments, mostly firsts for me, that I had to endure these last few days. It wasn't until I was out of Ft Worth that it really hit me that I have so much missing of John left. I have so many more firsts without him left that it is scary. I can't let myself think about them - if I do, my relaxing few days left will turn into an emotional exhaustion period.
I guess the whole point in today's blurb is that, two months into "Johnlessness", I think I hurt more than I did two DAYS into it. It is more real to me now. Even going home is emotionally exhausting - almost to the point of avoiding it completely. And yet, these moments must be faced, head on. There's no getting around the fact that my best friend, my companion in everything, is no longer joining in with me. Just like I had to face being home in order to enjoy quality family time, I must face every other moment that comes my way in order to really enjoy the life I have.
I guess that's all I really have... Even when I am not in Marfa, I must live a MARFALOUS life! It is vital to one's well-being that they embrace the moments of each day just as I embraced my Marfa experience last summer. Just because I am not physically in Marfa, my heart is, and thus I still am living my Marfalous life :)
2.23.2010
welcome back.
four months since my last entry.
That was enough time for four major holidays to pass, for a series of semester exams to pass and another semester to start. Four months has meant many snow storms, a few nights out, and many Marfa trips for me. The last four months has also signified the most influential moments of my life so far.
On January 25, 2010 - nearly a month ago - my best friend, John, passed away. He fought a fierce battle against cancer but his body was so weak from the fight that it could not defend itself from an infection. It was a quick farewell as he went from normal to very ill in a matter of hours. I could spend PAGES writing about him. I have started a series of letters to him since his death - that alone is quite long so far. In those letters, I tell John the things that I would normally tell him via text message or phone calls. We did not get to see each other that often but we would whittle away the hours with a constant conversation. Very rarely would you find us NOT in a texting conversation with each other. Mom got mad at me many times because I was texting John instead of giving her my full attention.
Since he was raised in Valentine, Texas (20 miles from Marfa), we laid him to rest in the Valentine Cemetery where his grave overlooks the family ranch and the West Texas mountains. He would love the view that he scored for sure. After a few days with my family and his, I went to Marfa to regroup and finish out the weekend before school started back. This was the one time in my entire life that I can ever remember WANTING to leave West Texas, wanting to get away from the mountains and the open sky, wanting to be back at school and my reality. Being out there, a place that John and I shared a deep passion for, only made his absence that much more obvious to me. Add to the already present sorrow, I was in the Marfa house alone for two nights - way too much time to be alone with your thoughts after such a life-changing experience. The Marfa house is normally a place of refuge and energizing myself - it is a place for me to just chill and regroup. That weekend, it was a place filled with memories of John, a place that only further showed how alone he has left me.
Now, I know I am not ALONE - there are tons of people who love me and have been reaching out to me these last four weeks. But, I have been left behind by my best friend, my soul mate and partner in crime. I lack a relationship that truly helped establish who I am as an individual - a relationship that has consumed my mind and heart for the last six years. However, I am also so very aware of the aloneness that he has left in my romantic world. You see, not only was John my best friend and second half, he was my "person"- my preferred date to events, my shoulder to cry on or to complain to, my partner when everyone else had a significant other. I wasn't asked to Senior Prom because people thought I had "a guy in Lubbock" that I was with...that was John. Story of our lives! So many times we confused people because we were NOT together or in any kind of relationship other than just good friends. But, we were that person for each other - this is probably why neither of us had a significant other in the last six years - we did not need one.
His death has left such a hole in my life. Right now, I am not really living the "Marfalous life" of last summer. I now know sorrow and deep heartbreak - a heartbreak that is only made less painful with time. I now know what it is like to lose someone you love more than yourself, to regret that last conversation with someone or the last time you saw them. I know the sorrow to the depths of who I am that is seen in a funeral scene. I know what cancer really means. Since I last wrote in this blog, I have wept and feared and even wanted to not be in Marfa - all very odd emotions. Right now, I cannot wait to return to Marfa - I need time there to let West Texas heal my heart and to feel needed again, wanted again. Hopefully that time will come sooner than expected.
That was enough time for four major holidays to pass, for a series of semester exams to pass and another semester to start. Four months has meant many snow storms, a few nights out, and many Marfa trips for me. The last four months has also signified the most influential moments of my life so far.
On January 25, 2010 - nearly a month ago - my best friend, John, passed away. He fought a fierce battle against cancer but his body was so weak from the fight that it could not defend itself from an infection. It was a quick farewell as he went from normal to very ill in a matter of hours. I could spend PAGES writing about him. I have started a series of letters to him since his death - that alone is quite long so far. In those letters, I tell John the things that I would normally tell him via text message or phone calls. We did not get to see each other that often but we would whittle away the hours with a constant conversation. Very rarely would you find us NOT in a texting conversation with each other. Mom got mad at me many times because I was texting John instead of giving her my full attention.
Since he was raised in Valentine, Texas (20 miles from Marfa), we laid him to rest in the Valentine Cemetery where his grave overlooks the family ranch and the West Texas mountains. He would love the view that he scored for sure. After a few days with my family and his, I went to Marfa to regroup and finish out the weekend before school started back. This was the one time in my entire life that I can ever remember WANTING to leave West Texas, wanting to get away from the mountains and the open sky, wanting to be back at school and my reality. Being out there, a place that John and I shared a deep passion for, only made his absence that much more obvious to me. Add to the already present sorrow, I was in the Marfa house alone for two nights - way too much time to be alone with your thoughts after such a life-changing experience. The Marfa house is normally a place of refuge and energizing myself - it is a place for me to just chill and regroup. That weekend, it was a place filled with memories of John, a place that only further showed how alone he has left me.
Now, I know I am not ALONE - there are tons of people who love me and have been reaching out to me these last four weeks. But, I have been left behind by my best friend, my soul mate and partner in crime. I lack a relationship that truly helped establish who I am as an individual - a relationship that has consumed my mind and heart for the last six years. However, I am also so very aware of the aloneness that he has left in my romantic world. You see, not only was John my best friend and second half, he was my "person"- my preferred date to events, my shoulder to cry on or to complain to, my partner when everyone else had a significant other. I wasn't asked to Senior Prom because people thought I had "a guy in Lubbock" that I was with...that was John. Story of our lives! So many times we confused people because we were NOT together or in any kind of relationship other than just good friends. But, we were that person for each other - this is probably why neither of us had a significant other in the last six years - we did not need one.
His death has left such a hole in my life. Right now, I am not really living the "Marfalous life" of last summer. I now know sorrow and deep heartbreak - a heartbreak that is only made less painful with time. I now know what it is like to lose someone you love more than yourself, to regret that last conversation with someone or the last time you saw them. I know the sorrow to the depths of who I am that is seen in a funeral scene. I know what cancer really means. Since I last wrote in this blog, I have wept and feared and even wanted to not be in Marfa - all very odd emotions. Right now, I cannot wait to return to Marfa - I need time there to let West Texas heal my heart and to feel needed again, wanted again. Hopefully that time will come sooner than expected.
11.23.2009
it's about time.
Four months. It has been over four months since I last took the time and emotional energy to write here. Maybe it's because this is my space that I use when I'm in Marfa. And aside from one busy and fun weekend in town, I have not been back to the place I love so much since August. Pathetic, I know. Although, like I have always said, Marfa is not my reality. I have a busy and productive life in Lubbock which extends to Dallas where my family and best friend are. I have a job, am a full time student, am involved in outside organizations, and somehow manage to maintain a decent social life. So, unfortunately, keeping up this blog is pushed away until I have time. Luckily I have plenty of time this trip to Marfa.
Here's why my life is MARFAlous when I am out here. These are also a few of my items on my "Thank God this Holiday season" list:
- I woke up to the sounds of town and birds and freshness. I made a pot of coffee, had some Jesus time on the porch, and was then free to read WHATEVER I wanted. This means I can read for fun instead of guilting myself into reading for school. There have been a few trains pass by the house, lots of cars zooming through town (and by lots I mean lots for a town of 2200), smells of cooking and leaves, and I even heard a horse snort. I don't know where the horse is but I heard it. I have been soaking up the sun on the porch - nights are way cold but the day time brings a delightful warmth and clear sky. My skin has gotten pasty in the last few months - sun time is much needed and very appreciative.
- On Saturday night, I met my cowboys at the hotel for a drink and got to see some of the hotel employees. Man, I miss this place. Even the faces that I don't personally know but recognize make me happy. They are all still here, life still goes on in Marfa just like it goes on for me in other places. After the hotel, we continued on to Padre's for some pool, beer, and good music. Let me tell you - that was one of the funnest nights of my life! There was a Tejano-Mexican band playing that was at first disappointing because we didn't think we knew how to dance to that music. They proved me wrong, however. It's just moving the hips and letting your heart and your partner lead you. I tore up that dance floor with whoever wanted to dance with me! The boys got swarmed by the 60 year old women of the town. And by swarmed I mean Asa got maybe ONE dance with a girl under 60 and that was because I PRIED him away from those crazy drunkies! One of the ladies told me in a slurring voice: It's my 62nd birthday, I just got a divorce, so I'm going to party tonight...I'm drunk! Haha, but let me tell you something - that lady sure didn't let life slow her down. She and I hogged that dance floor with the handsome men of town. We were not going to let anything get in our way of a good time with some good, fun, hip-moving music.
- Yesterday, I took a two-hour nap. I haven't taken a full hour nap in who knows how long! Waking up at 4:00 that afternoon left me somewhat dumbfounded for a moment. This place brings a peace and relaxation to my mind and my soul. I went jogging through town and out on the highway. The view made me laugh a little bit. How sad it is that people do not know the beauty of the country. Some people have never left the metroplex; some people don't want to. How sad that is. They are missing out on the thousands of shades the sky turns as the sun sets in the West. They miss out on the quaint feel of a town where people know each other and say hello in the store, on the street, at the restaurants. They miss out on the normalcy of walking to a friend's house or to the coffee shop. They miss out on the friendlyness that is seen even as two cars pass on the highway and the drivers share a quick wave and nod. This is the life out here - no wonder I never want to leave!
Those are a few of my "aha" moments of late. I am lucky that my parents are paying my tuition - if it were up to me, I would "take a semester off" and never leave this place. The little white house on the hill would not be empty longer than a night or two. My little red car would be a regular sight around town again. I would finally know the grocery store clerk by name and the dairy queen employees would, once again, know my blizzard order as soon as I walk in the store. But alas, I must return to the crazy and wonderful place of Lubbock. It's not so bad afterall.
Here's why my life is MARFAlous when I am out here. These are also a few of my items on my "Thank God this Holiday season" list:
- I woke up to the sounds of town and birds and freshness. I made a pot of coffee, had some Jesus time on the porch, and was then free to read WHATEVER I wanted. This means I can read for fun instead of guilting myself into reading for school. There have been a few trains pass by the house, lots of cars zooming through town (and by lots I mean lots for a town of 2200), smells of cooking and leaves, and I even heard a horse snort. I don't know where the horse is but I heard it. I have been soaking up the sun on the porch - nights are way cold but the day time brings a delightful warmth and clear sky. My skin has gotten pasty in the last few months - sun time is much needed and very appreciative.
- On Saturday night, I met my cowboys at the hotel for a drink and got to see some of the hotel employees. Man, I miss this place. Even the faces that I don't personally know but recognize make me happy. They are all still here, life still goes on in Marfa just like it goes on for me in other places. After the hotel, we continued on to Padre's for some pool, beer, and good music. Let me tell you - that was one of the funnest nights of my life! There was a Tejano-Mexican band playing that was at first disappointing because we didn't think we knew how to dance to that music. They proved me wrong, however. It's just moving the hips and letting your heart and your partner lead you. I tore up that dance floor with whoever wanted to dance with me! The boys got swarmed by the 60 year old women of the town. And by swarmed I mean Asa got maybe ONE dance with a girl under 60 and that was because I PRIED him away from those crazy drunkies! One of the ladies told me in a slurring voice: It's my 62nd birthday, I just got a divorce, so I'm going to party tonight...I'm drunk! Haha, but let me tell you something - that lady sure didn't let life slow her down. She and I hogged that dance floor with the handsome men of town. We were not going to let anything get in our way of a good time with some good, fun, hip-moving music.
- Yesterday, I took a two-hour nap. I haven't taken a full hour nap in who knows how long! Waking up at 4:00 that afternoon left me somewhat dumbfounded for a moment. This place brings a peace and relaxation to my mind and my soul. I went jogging through town and out on the highway. The view made me laugh a little bit. How sad it is that people do not know the beauty of the country. Some people have never left the metroplex; some people don't want to. How sad that is. They are missing out on the thousands of shades the sky turns as the sun sets in the West. They miss out on the quaint feel of a town where people know each other and say hello in the store, on the street, at the restaurants. They miss out on the normalcy of walking to a friend's house or to the coffee shop. They miss out on the friendlyness that is seen even as two cars pass on the highway and the drivers share a quick wave and nod. This is the life out here - no wonder I never want to leave!
Those are a few of my "aha" moments of late. I am lucky that my parents are paying my tuition - if it were up to me, I would "take a semester off" and never leave this place. The little white house on the hill would not be empty longer than a night or two. My little red car would be a regular sight around town again. I would finally know the grocery store clerk by name and the dairy queen employees would, once again, know my blizzard order as soon as I walk in the store. But alas, I must return to the crazy and wonderful place of Lubbock. It's not so bad afterall.
8.16.2009
It's already over?!
Well, friends, I have officially ended my Marfalous summer and am back in Lubbock. However, do not worry - my marfalous LIFE has not yet ended. Though I am back to my reality of school, work, sorority, responsibilities, I have already made a trip back West...I wasn't even in the LBK for a week! I went back for a strictly-work trip - helped the hotel with a wedding. Along with my regular duties at the hotel, I mopped/cleaned dishes/moved furniture in 4-inch stilettos, cut wedding cake, guided the bride through the back way of the hotel, and was Vicki's personal manager. It was one busy weekend but I loved it.
I am here in the LBK now. I told my friends in Marfa that though their reality is in Marfa, I lived my fantasy this summer. And, upon arrival in Lubbock, reality hit hard. I suddenly had bills to pay, a job and classes to attend, city traffic and materialism to deal with, places to spend money, and responsibilities to my organizations. WOW. I already miss my marfalous summer and all that it entailed. Don't worry though, Marfa has not seen the last of me. There are plans in the near future to return in all my glory.
I fully intend on continuing this blog. I love to write and have to practice somewhere before my book gets written. Sadly, what I expected to be a long, lazy, and non-social summer turned into one that was over way too fast, kept me very busy, and became very very social...go figure! All that to say, my book was started but not much more than a page, I have yet to finish my one summer book (Gone With the Wind), and left with many friends in the town I love. All very good tradeoffs, I'd say.
Like I said, reality has hit. I must return to my responsibilities now and get some shut eye so that tomorrow can be started with a fresh face and a clear mind.
7.19.2009
the bittersweetness of life
Yet again, it has been quite a while since my last post. I am proud to say, though, that my excuse is legit - I have a life here in Marfa. Not just a "read books on the porch, workout, watch movies" life. This one is the kind where I frequent the Jett's scene (hotel's restaurant), spend evenings with my friend Rose, get DQ blizzards with Lindy, etc. There's just so much going on that I have barely read my extremely long summer book, Gone With the Wind, and am definitely lacking in the sleep area! No time for those things means no time as well for blogging. Sorry :/
I spent this last weekend in Lubbock. Man, I miss that place! I miss the workout machines in the REC, cherry coke and salad bar from Market Street, my perch at J&B coffee shop, seeing my family I have created in Raiderland, all the Tech pride, and I even might miss the wind - but that's just because it's part of Lubbock and I love that town. My new roommate, Tessa, and I officially have the keys to our new house. I have officially moved in all of my stuff and will be there for good in three weeks - gotta finish up here in Marfa and have the long-awaited campmeeting first! My room is about 70% set up, many thanks to Zac and Micah for providing the truck and muscles necessary. We spent Saturday moving furniture and boxes, sanding and priming furniture, unpacking, painting the furniture, and getting things situated. One nice sunburn and two sore arms later, my room is ready to be lived in! The paint color is great...there are lots of windows...big closets...built in desk...HARD WOOD FLOORS. I love it.
The problem with having this great house waiting for me and the rest of my belongings to come home is that I have mixed feelings about summer and campmeeting. Please know: I never have mixed feelings about Campmeeting. It has never happened before that I was not eagerly counting down the days until I drove the 9 hours out West with a week's worth of outfits planned out, high expectations for this year's campmeeting, a crush on one of the boys of my life waiting to be further established. This year I am already in West Texas, I have all my clothes with me anyways, I don't "dress up" anymore than I have to for work, and I have no crush, no boy-expectation looming in front of me. It's not a feeling of not wanting Campmeeting to come - it's just more of an "it happens when it happens" feeling. My reason is this: when CM hits, my time here in Marfa ends. When CM ends, I leave the mountainous West Texas and the life I have so lovingly established for the flat West Texas that I also love and adore. And yet, As much as I love the life I have here in Marfa, I love and miss my Lubbock life. Like I said, there's many facets of life in the LBK that I cannot wait for. There's many aspects of my summer experience that I will miss dearly as well. That is why life as of now is bittersweet.
I am totally happy with how things turned out this summer. No cowboy to whisk me away but that's for the better - no need to end a good summer with a hurting heart. I gained so much more experience and knowledge from my 41-room hotel internship than I could have ever received in a larger hotel. I know people in town now - when I return to visit, my seat at Jett's will be waiting with open arms. I lived here long enough to unpack, settle down, and enjoy the peace and quiet before having to reload the car and watch the mountains disappear in the rearview mirror. It's been a good time that, bittersweetly, will come to an end. I will leave here only to immediately return to the other town I love so dearly, the people I haven't seen in over three months, the restaurants I enjoy frequenting, and the obnoxious Suddenlink commercials which invade all tv stations.
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