Graduation was similar to this feeling. Although, unlike Christmas, there will not be a renewed cycle of all the planning, paperwork, anticipating and goodbyes in 365 days. You get one college graduation to look forward to and then you are set off into the real world to see what it's really like out there. I reached my ONE college graduation. It was a great weekend full of family and friends, excitement, celebrations, good food and some good wine. With all the fun comes some interesting emotions, thoughts, and feelings towards this turning point in my life.
When a student graduates from high school, everyone tells them how they are all grown up, they are entering the "real world", and that things will be different from now on. Personally, I find this to be pretty much completely untrue. College is very similar, socially, to high school - only better. For the most part, you choose your schedule based on when you do or don't want to go to classes. You are expected to first and foremost be a student - even when there is a job or other responsibilities involved. You live with friends and create your life around them and your social desires. It really is the life. It is not the "real world" - it is the "ideal world." Being in college was a blast and similar to a little bubble around my reality and how I wanted it to be.
The real change is AFTER college. For the first time in my life, I got to CHOOSE what comes next. It is a very surreal moment when you realize that there is really no norm for what to do next. After high school, there are two "norms" to choose from: college or get a job. After college, the opportunities are endless: travel the world, join the military, veg on mom and dad's couch til they kick you out, get a job, get an internship, continue with further education, don't graduate and get another degree...There are MANY options and they all work in today's society. Yes, people want to hear that you have a job and when you will be starting. But, there is no longer a force driving you to choose between limited options - there are so many options that you must decide for yourself what is the best and where you want it to take you. It is this freedom, and lack of guidance, that seems to be the most difficult feeling for my graduated peers and myself to grasp. We have total control over where we go next. For the first time, we get to...and we have to...choose for ourselves how to begin this next era. Strange. Surreal. Invigorating. Scary. Call it what you want but it is a sense of freedom - whether good or bad - that any graduate from college receives along with their diploma.
Yes, I am very excited and ready for this next phase. I am so ready for my job and new little life to start that I made the odd request to start as soon as possible instead of requesting one more summer vacation period. Maybe I will regret this in a few months, maybe not. But, for right now, I know that the job I chose, the town I chose, and the time to start that I chose are all right for me at this point in my life. It is a very freeing feeling to know what you want and to be sure in the big decisions you have made. I hope that my younger friends are able to feel the same security and decisiveness that I have experienced throughout the process of figuring out what to do next. It is important to be both honest with yourself and those around you on what you expect out of your post-college life. What hours do you want to work? Where do you want to live? Is it important to have standard work weeks and holidays or is that not so important as a fun, exotic job title?
Along with the excitement of moving on has come a huge feeling of loss. I have hidden this pretty well - it is much easier and more fun to be excited about the next phase of your life. However, I love my life in Lubbock. I love the grocery store I frequently shop at and eat at...my landlord who has taken great care of me for two years...my mentor and friend Sally who's loving and vivacious spirit has blessed me for three years...my life coach and friend, Gabi, who's office and guidance I will greatly miss...my best friend and roommate with whom I live so well and have such a great system of just living together...my tres amigas group that lifts me up and makes me laugh on a regular basis...my ADPi babies who bring so much love and joy to my life. There are just so many people and places I have grown to love and expect to be a part of my daily life. It is not that I think the relationships are over - it is that I know they will now be different and we will need to figure out our connections within the changes.
But, with a garage full of all my packed belongings and an apartment in Midland awaiting my arrival, I will embrace the new places that will soon become my regular places, new friends to drink wine with, and a new routine to fall in love with. I will always love my peeps from Lubbock and will strive to maintain our love and trust within the friendships. That is a no-brainer - afterall, I am just not good with goodbyes. There were no goodbyes, only farewell until our next encounter.
And now, we are off to Scotland!! Ten days in Scotland to celebrate many things within our family. Think of this Marfa gal and her family as we travel trans-Atlantic to see our ancestoral homeland.
Marfa means...only 2.75 hours from Midland!!!
