As I reflect back on 2012 and my accomplishments, experiences, mistakes and memories, I am realizing that for an entire year I was never settled anywhere. In the past 12 months, I have lived in an apartment, a friends house, my grandparents' house, my grandmother's house, and various places in between. Between west Texas trips, the bone marrow donation, thanksgiving, midland trips, two weeks in France and Christmas, I have spent many weeks living out of a suitcase and my car. My storage shed has gained items and lost items depending on where I was living and what season it was. I don't think that my suitcase has been unpacked for longer than a week since June.
With all this back and forth business, I am learning to fully embrace the old saying "home is where the heart is" as I do not have a place to call my own nor are there any prospects in the near future. I am getting pretty good at packing up my car and heading off to the next place on my unknown agenda. Really, the only thing keeping me from truly being a nomad is that I don't think nomads travel about with a fully packed SUV of stuff. They probably don't have a mixer, blender, tv, crockpot, entire closet, box of shoes, or filing cabinet with them at all times. But, in the sense that they move place to place and barely let the grass grow beneath their feet, I am totally a nomad. Not necessarily by choice or desire but by an openness to try something new, "find myself" and where I belong right now in this world, and be the best person I can where God leads me.
When I came out to marfa just about two months ago, I really thought it would be for a while - at least longer than two months. I expected to get settled, get a job in the local community, get a place where I could unload my stored belongings and just enjoy for a while before packing up yet again. I envisioned myself becoming very involved in the community and really never wanting to leave. After all, that's been my hope and dream for a long long time.
And, yet, here I am packing up my car once more, headed back to midland without a job and with the hopes to settle in, get involved in the community, make a name for myself. Yes - I change my plans a lot. But I feel good about this new direction and I feel really good about the way I have spent my past few months. Because I quit my job, I was able to really invest myself in the process of and healing after the bone marrow transplant. I was able to really enjoy making Lindy's wedding cake and the experience of being involved in her special day. I had the whole week of thanksgiving to spend with my parents. I was able to spend two weeks with my best friend in France and then all the time I wanted in Dallas for Christmas. There was no hurrying back to work between Christmas and New Year's Eve - just enjoying the holiday season. I was able to come to this tranquil place in Far West Texas for refreshment and prayer that I did not realize I needed until I was in the midst of it. Marfa has always been a place for me to rest my spirit and just BE so I have spent much time just learning how to be alone, to take a step back and look at my life, to be okay with backtracking a bit.
I feel good about 2013 and have a number of personal goals for this new year and new phase in my life. My spirit has been refreshed, my mind has been cleared, and I have been reminded of all the great people and opportunities in my life. Here's to a new year, a clean slate for us all and an excuse to change things up a bit.
Hugs from my Marfa porch,